life

why do i need to sit here and defend myself? its a two way street and we are all wrong. so dont come up to me telling what i am or am not doing. or what i should and should not be doing. as far as im concerned im living. im working my ass off to pay for school. and to be promoted which well half of you probably dont even know. its a big deal for me ive had to work for almost two years to get even considered and its gunna take till the end of the summer for it too be in place. and nobody seems to care. i can sit here and cry whoa is me for hours, but im done. i here the crap you guys say about me behind my back yet no one tries to fix it. they expect me to. and im waiting to hear from you. its not the same anymore and you cant sit there and try and tell me it is. we are a family anymore, its broken nobody really cares. and i cant be the only one seeing that. ive tried for years to keep this family together and its been broken and re shaped, which is fine, but i cant take the pressure of always being the one expected to do everything. granted maybe i should have spoke up more but im not the one putting up fights. you cant just come up to me and point blank be a jerk it doesnt work that way sorry. i have more of a backbone and its from everyone constantly down my throat about everything, im sick of. i went away trying to search for myself and i found it. and when i came back no one seemed to care, so why should i. im not trying to be a bitch but at some point you have to realize that its all falling apart and i actually cant think of how to fix it this time. im not mad, im hurt and im sad its falling apart but its reality. im not ready to let go not even close. but i cant keep sitting everyday wondering if im still welcome in your life it hurts too much and nobody seems to see that.