christmas?

christmas has never been one of those days you look forward to for me. as i got older it was more a chore than anything. bouncing between houses acting all excited when your step family gets you a really crappy gifts you know they didnt want to buy in the first place and make sure you catch that the drift.

chrsitmas was supposed to be the one day you came closer to your family right? not in my house someone is arguing at some point. the one sanity i had was my grandma and i always saw her that was the best part for me was seeing her happy. but this one year was bad she got really sick so my step dad and uncle made dinner (after much bitching and arguing with everyone) but it got worse to the point my grandma started crying ill never forget that day.

anyway where am i going with all this is to show you its never been a completely pleasent experience for me. so this year when i found out i wa not just leaving for christmas and not seeing my grandma my parents are getting a divorce and i cant be there when it all starts to get to me or even be around my friends i almost crashed.

everyone has been fighting everywhere i turn around and its starting to really piss me off to the point im not sure how to handle it. im not saying im innocent in this cause ive probably started stuff too and as much as i wanted a break from it all. when i was gone it all started to hit me i really missed all my friends as much as we drive each other crazy.

i mean in one way im glad i got to skip it all....the whole shebang. but on the other hand im not. ive only been back for a while so i guess we'll see how it goes.