hoem again

i knew this would happen eventually everyone going their own way and i was ok with it cause i had a few people you still talk to me.. but now they are also fading. i want to leave and go back to rome. coming home only made it worse. im now sitting here alone after being gone for almost three weeks wiith little contact before. not even my parents are home. its awesome. i had fun there it was warm. the only thing i was craving when i was gone was a hug and honestly theres not many who can give the love hug in my life anymore. i want to start over make a new life make new friends and know my other family. its not that i want to forget this life. i very much want to live this life. but it feels as though theres nothing left for me. that i need to move on. or are being cut out. it sucks to feel this way and maybe im not justified. but barely anyone said goodbye and one person has said hello. and that really hurts. it hurts more than alot of things that have hurt me before.

changes

im walking on the streets of scotland wondering why is this bothering me? when i left home i intended on forgetting my life and i thought katie did too but she couldnt and wont shut up about it. she wants to go home and i reallly am dreading it. to be honest theres nothing i miss at home. my parents drive me crazy my friends well im sure i dont really have any anymore considering barely anyone talked to me or has even shown they give two craps for months now. and yet im still here fighting and holding on and for what. last time i did that i got hurt and yes it kills me to let go. but i have to. im in europe trying to live every moment cause i dont want it to end and the only person you semi understands why is mulling around till we get home. i want to have fun and yes sightseeing is fun...to an extent, but i want to meet people go out and have fun and we havent really done any of that and im actually super pissed. i have no one to talk to anymore, and people say i can talk to them but i cant its just redundant now. i have no life back at home. and ive had one person and a co-worker say they miss me only a few people even said goodbye and thats cause i messaged them first, and it hurts and its not fair. my job is the only thing i feel i need to go back to and that makes me sad. i want out of langley and ive fallen in love with scotland the culture and history is amazing the streets and buildings are ancient and i love it. when i get home im going to bust my ass to finish school get another job finish school and get a job over here. i want to do it. and whats the point in living a life you dont want to live.

im at the point in my life where i need to live and i need to start over and im not running away ive come to terms with the fact that theres nothing left for me where i am and im not scared to start over in another country im actually really ecxcited. and i dont plan on telling many people. but i put it in here cause its the only thing i can vent to that nobody really pays attention to.